Click here to view the embedded video.

File this one under ‘gross miscalculation’ for the Beeb. Before, BBC News was sturdily designed with practically flawless usability. Why they felt the need to shake things up is beyond me, and this is coming from someone who changes their website more than their underwear.

The flaws in the layout are blatant. For example:

1. Given their need to report on celebrities with no presence in the UK like Jay Leno, Oprah Winfrey, and Donald Trump, it’s hardly surprising their design wants to emulate an American tabloid. Large text! Sections of the site piled on top of each other! No central focus! With the amount of scrolling required, it’s as if the BBC has a vendetta against touch pads and wheel mouses, and this is their way of wearing them out.

2. Why is the option to retweet and share on Facebook at the top of the page? Granted, they’re at the bottom too, but who thinks “I might like this JLS PR stunt disguised as a piece about economics, I better clog up my friend’s news feed now in case I forget at the end”? The BBC isn’t the first to do this, but it still doesn’t make sense.

3. The white space between the news item and sidebar. Why were the designers compelled to pull the content apart by over 150 pixels? Apparently, it isn’t so the BBC can shove adverts in the international version as I first thought. So what is it? Are people thick enough that they need the occasional picture and quote to be clearly identifiable? Is it so iPad users have a designated spot to rest their bourbon biscuits on the screen?

I mean, that space is huge. Look what you can fit in there:

Things that fit into space: the Eiffel Tower, Sebastian Vettel’s head, a good quality truck photo… But not James Corden. He’s too wide.

So because of an executive wanting to freshen up their portfolio before applying for the position of ‘God of Television’ at Channel 5 or something, BBC News looks as though it’s been twinned with Fox News. This just in: all liberals are working with Hitler to destroy America.

Freeman Street market - Fun for all the family.

Turns out al-Qaeda hates Duracell batteries, flowers, and three Wispa Gold’s for a quid. That’s the only explanation I can think of.

Yesterday, five of us at work were assigned to go down to Freeman Street market in Grimsby and take photographs. “Use the golden mean,” we were encouraged. “Try to bring out a story and personality in each photo.” Yes, this is unpaid work. How did you guess?

Anyway, after twenty minutes or so, the market’s security guard approached us. We were informed that, as we didn’t get permission from the market’s manager, we were breaching anti-terror laws! Compared to a photographer being arrested in London, this was a non-incident in that we eventually got permission in case they called the police, before leaving out of disgust. And pant-shitting fear.

The accusation was surprising though, because the paranoid American-aping powers that be were nice enough to give photographers just enough rights to continue their interest in public. But when you get your information from a tabloid – ‘In today’s news, less rights for you—Hey look! Katie Price’s penis!’ – laws will be misinterpreted.

It also begs the question of why anyone would want to commit a heinous terrorist act on Freeman Street in the first place. If Grimsby is the heart, Freeman Street is the burst left ventricle. It’s no coincidence this town is dying when its second most important street is stuck in the days of the fishing industry. Regeneration is badly needed there, but the council is too busy blowing their budget on vanity projects such as Meridian Park, a scarcely used ‘arena’ which looks like solidified whale spunk.

Despite Freemo (as the indigenous Grimsby people call it) being run-down, shouldn’t it encourage activities like photography instead of believing we’re so important that Osama Bin Laden knows there’s a Grimsby in England as well as Canada? Wouldn’t that be more beneficial to the community?

This time, however, I have tinkered with the website for two reasons:

1. I recently created a portfolio to show prospective employers. While it’s easy to show off my Pool Frog 1 swimming certificate on a piece of paper, the same can’t be said for the films I’ve made. That’s why the website will be split into sections, with the front page acting as a hub for my blog.

2. Regarding my blogging, I have talked to several people about why my track record is patchy (to understate it). I’ve concluded that I put too much effort into each article, trying to force humour in everywhere, and overanalysing the use of words and structure to the extent where I edited obsessively after publishing. I hope to from now on write in a relaxed, natural style. Some posts will be funny, some informative, some absolute dreary bollocks. I just need to remember that this is a blog read by a dozen or so people. They’re not expecting the writing standard to be as crisp as something by an overpaid newspaper columnist.

And that’s it. Oh, except for how I wrote this on July 15th and dated it as the 7th so I could retrospectively blog about a couple of other things. Maybe ‘Star Trek Liar’ would be a more suitable website name?